Random Acts of Literary Stupidity
Survivalist tip: Start wearing bolo ties to formal events. Sure, they look ridiculous, but if a surprise nuclear strike throws the world into an apocalyptic hel ...
This Was the Best 26th Birthday I’ve had Since 1974
I would like to thank everyone for the birthday wishes! You all have made this, my 26th birthday, very special. Never I have felt so good to be turning 26! It’s ...
Man Cloned from Tainted DNA Sample Excels at Multitasking Thanks to Tentacles
When I met Jacobi Williams for our first interview he greeted me with a smile, a handshake, a pat on the back, a tip of the hat, and a brotherly grip on the sho ...
LASIK: A Visionary Vision for the Future of Your Vision
If you’ve been thinking about getting LASIK eye surgery to correct your vision but are nervous about the procedure, don’t worry. There is really nothing to fear ...
Queasy Rider: How to Survive Riding a Motorcycle by Going Very, Very Slow
For some unknown reason, despite thoroughly cleaning out my ears daily, every morning my right ear appears to have been used as Madame Tussaud’s scrap bucket ov ...
Retail Chain Launches Fleet of Robot Customers to Automate Bullshit Demands on Staff
Big box retail chain Glutmart announced today via company-wide memo that they will be automating bullshit demands on staff with the help of a fleet of high-tech ...
7 Sound Financial Tips Anyone Can Probably Read
According to several major news outlets, the economy is in a truly terrible state. Of course, no matter what the state of the economy is, major news outlets alw ...
Thrimbal Scrumpwiffle and the Toad Squash Gourds
In a tree by a brook is where Thrimbal Scrumpwiffle the Forest Imp lived. He lived peacefully, unmolested by beasts or kingsmen. He lived happy days, catching t ...
Tim Hawthorne: State Finals Ping-Pong Champion
To say their description of me under my photo in the newspaper back then was unflattering is to put it mildly: His face was cursed by an ever-rupturing lan ...
Oh, To Think Like a Bird
Sitting out here in my backyard on mild fall days listening to the sounds of nature, I often wonder what it would be like to think like a bird. My guess is that ...