I Regret to Inform You that Mr. Rogers has Denied Your Request to be His Neighbor
Dear Timmy, I hope this letter finds you well via speedy delivery, however, I fear that after your mother reads this to you, you will probably be very sad. On ...
LASIK: A Visionary Vision for the Future of Your Vision
If you’ve been thinking about getting LASIK eye surgery to correct your vision but are nervous about the procedure, don’t worry. There is really nothing to fear ...
Queasy Rider: How to Survive Riding a Motorcycle by Going Very, Very Slow
For some unknown reason, despite thoroughly cleaning out my ears daily, every morning my right ear appears to have been used as Madame Tussaud’s scrap bucket ov ...
Retail Chain Launches Fleet of Robot Customers to Automate Bullshit Demands on Staff
Big box retail chain Glutmart announced today via company-wide memo that they will be automating bullshit demands on staff with the help of a fleet of high-tech ...
I’ve Just Been Added as a MuddyUm Humor Writer. The Fools!
Despite not being funny at all, I have just been added to MuddyUm’s roster of humor writers. The fools! They fell for my ruse! As evidence of my complete lack ...
7 Sound Financial Tips Anyone Can Probably Read
According to several major news outlets, the economy is in a truly terrible state. Of course, no matter what the state of the economy is, major news outlets alw ...
Tim Hawthorne: State Finals Ping-Pong Champion
To say their description of me under my photo in the newspaper back then was unflattering is to put it mildly: His face was cursed by an ever-rupturing lan ...
Oh, To Think Like a Bird
Sitting out here in my backyard on mild fall days listening to the sounds of nature, I often wonder what it would be like to think like a bird. My guess is that ...
10 UNBELIEVEABLE Facts About America
#1 If you turn off the lights and say “Murica!” three times, when you turn the lights back on, Thomas Jefferson will appear and present you with a co ...
Meet the Team of PLNN: the Patriotic Liberty News Network
Chet Maverick Lead Reporter Chet Maverick is a patriot and a journalist. When he’s not absentmindedly murmuring the Pledge of Allegiance under his b ...