Man Cloned from Tainted DNA Sample Excels at Multitasking Thanks to Tentacles
When I met Jacobi Williams for our first interview he greeted me with a smile, a handshake, a pat on the back, a tip of the hat, and a brotherly grip on the sho ...
LASIK: A Visionary Vision for the Future of Your Vision
If you’ve been thinking about getting LASIK eye surgery to correct your vision but are nervous about the procedure, don’t worry. There is really nothing to fear ...
Queasy Rider: How to Survive Riding a Motorcycle by Going Very, Very Slow
For some unknown reason, despite thoroughly cleaning out my ears daily, every morning my right ear appears to have been used as Madame Tussaud’s scrap bucket ov ...
Retail Chain Launches Fleet of Robot Customers to Automate Bullshit Demands on Staff
Big box retail chain Glutmart announced today via company-wide memo that they will be automating bullshit demands on staff with the help of a fleet of high-tech ...
7 Sound Financial Tips Anyone Can Probably Read
According to several major news outlets, the economy is in a truly terrible state. Of course, no matter what the state of the economy is, major news outlets alw ...
Tim Hawthorne: State Finals Ping-Pong Champion
To say their description of me under my photo in the newspaper back then was unflattering is to put it mildly: His face was cursed by an ever-rupturing lan ...
Oh, To Think Like a Bird
Sitting out here in my backyard on mild fall days listening to the sounds of nature, I often wonder what it would be like to think like a bird. My guess is that ...
10 UNBELIEVEABLE Facts About America
#1 If you turn off the lights and say “Murica!” three times, when you turn the lights back on, Thomas Jefferson will appear and present you with a co ...
BREAKING: “Golf Ball-Sized Hailstone” Officially Adopted as Scientific Unit of Measurement
An announcement by the Scientific Coalition on Universal Measurements (SCUM) to adopt “golf ball-sized hailstone” as an official scientific unit of measurement ...
Failed Fishing at the Family Hunting Cabin
I've never seen an animated character so impressed with my shoes before. With the Texas outdoor temperatures finally dropping out of Fahrenheit ranges typic ...