REPORT: Cheez-It Duoz are Too Good

I’m typically not one to endorse government regulations on things that bring people happiness such as weed. But sometimes things bring people too much happiness. A level of happiness and faith in the overall goodness of the universe that it can be dangerous to society as a whole. The last thing society needs is people at peace and harmony with everything. Unfortunately, Cheez-It Duoz are so goddamn good that this is exactly the state of mind that they produce. So I’m afraid the government should step in immediately and regulate their sale and consumption.

I just had my first experience with this divine snack by the Kellogg company a few minutes ago and I’m now experiencing a huge endorphin rush. I have endorphins jetting out of my nose I’m so thrilled.

What they’ve done with their mad genius over at Cheez-It HQ is to take two flavors – each one completely orgasmic in flavor on its own – and mixed them together. Making a duo (get it?) of flavors so astonishingly good that once you experience it your face will explode with rainbows. Cheese flavored rainbows.

The particular blend that I’ve just assimilated with is the Smoked Cheddar / Monterey Jack variety. Well, take it from me, my cheddar has certainly been smoked and my monterey has never been jacked so good!

RATING: 1 Million Stars
PRICE: Doesn’t matter. Sell vital organs if need be to get your hands on this stuff.

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